I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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