Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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