You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
