420 ftw
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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