So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
