I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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