Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
