why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
