I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
