it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
