Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
