You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
