I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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