note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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