Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
