This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
