i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
