She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
