Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
