it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
