i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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