Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
