yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
