Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
