your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
