Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
