I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
