you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
