Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
