Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I love you.
Bad choice
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
