Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
