Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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