did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
