you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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