hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
