ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am one with the molecules
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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