I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
