cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
