So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
