apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
