Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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