my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
