Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
