Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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