Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
what day is it and did you see me today?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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