I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
