Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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