Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
