five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
