He is an equal opportunity slut.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
what the fuck happened to the tacos
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
