How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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