yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
